Jon Stewart isn’t willing to shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars for his kids.
During the 13th annual Stand Up For Heroes fundraiser at Madison Square Garden on Monday, the 56-year-old comedian joked he wasn’t like Felicity Huffman or Lori Loughlin.
“It’s like the college scandal. You know when all those parents were trying to get their kids into USC, whatever,” he joked. “‘I’m going to spend $500,000 to get them into a state school! I’m a brilliant business mind. I’m going to spend $500,000 to set them back.'”
As Stewart watched the college admissions scandal unfold, he realized he might not be the father of the century because he lacked the dedication both Huffman and Loughlin—and even presidential candidate Joe Biden—clearly show their children.
“And the whole thing really made me realize between Hunter Biden sitting on the board at Burisma and Aunt Becky maybe going to prison for $500,000 how much I really feel like I don’t do s–t for my kids,” Stewart, who is dad to son Nathan and daughter Maggie, joked to the packed audience, who were guffawing throughout the entire segment.
“I don’t do s–t for these people. There’s people out there like, ‘Honey, I’m going to go to jail for 40 years so you can major in nutrition.’ And with my kids, I’m like, ‘I’m not driving you to the diner. Not going to happen.’
“I understand they get upset about it, but listen, the world’s going to end soon so what the hell do we care.”
Huffman recently completed 11 days in a federal correctional facility after pleading guilty to her involvement in the college admissions scandal. Loughlin and her husband, fashion designer Mossimo Giannulli, recently pleaded not guilty to further bribery charges in the scandal.
Loughlin, 54, and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, 56, are already facing charges of conspiracy to commit money laundering, conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services mail fraud.