DEAR DEIDRE: I KEEP disappointing my family by turning down potential husbands they have chosen for me, because I don’t find them physically attractive.
Is it possible to learn to become attracted to someone? I am a 26-year-old girl from an Indian family and my parents are trying to find me a suitable husband.
All the men they have found come from respectable families and have good careers. But when I meet them it doesn’t work out.
Either they are shabbily dressed or look like they need to work out. Others have been bullies or demanded I give up my career after marriage – I am training to be a solicitor.
My family say I am shallow or have too-high expectations. Recently I met another guy they found. There is no spark and I will be self-sabotaging if I go ahead. But at least my family will be happy.
DEIDRE SAYS: You are likely to be very unhappy if you marry someone with whom you feel no attraction. But don’t underestimate the value of stability and mutual respect. Then love can grow.
You can smarten up a guy or take him to the gym with you. But a bully who wants you to write off your career won’t change.