The world (or Britain at least) was shook to its very core today when Coleen Rooney exposed Rebeka Vardy for allegedly selling stories about her to the press.
Coleen, in a dramatic statement posted to her social media, said that she had rumbled the I’m A Celeb star after blocking everyone on her private Instagram from viewing her stores apart from her.
The stories the mother-of-four would put up were purposefully fake, and of course, only one person was allegedly able to view them, and so the trap was set. Rebekah Vardy has categorically denied her involvement in any of the events Coleen has described.
The internet has already pretty much exploded with the gossip-laden news and even American sites offering explainers on who they both are. But we’re dreaming of an epic TV adaption of the events created by Ryan Murphy and are speaking it into existence.
We’ve had Feud: Betty and Joan, now it’s time for Feud: Coleen and Rebekah.
But who could join the dream cast? We’ve had a little think:
Jodie Comer as Coleen Rooney
She’s already won all the awards playing international assassin Villanelle, and we’re sensing a similar clean-up in the future for Jodie Comer’s portrayal of investigative journalist extraordinaire Coleen Rooney.
As is proven today, the actress taking on this multi-faceted role must have the range to play the long-game – imagine Comer’s Rooney in episode one twigging that something’s up with her private Instagram before the secret is blown and she drafts up her expose in the series finale.
Plus, both Comer and Rooney are Scousers, so she’s already got the accent sorted.
Lea Michele as Rebekah Vardy
TV loves an anti-hero. Jamie Lannister. Walter White. And now…Rebekah Vardy.
We’re not afraid to say that the term ‘It’s……..Rebekah Vardy’s account’ will now haunt us until our dying day, so we need an actress with an undeniable on-screen presence to bring this now mythical figure to life.
Who better than Lea Michele? She cut her teeth on Glee, so we know she has the acting chops for high drama. Even her role in the underrated Scream Queens teetered from an ingenue to a full-blown serial killer; so she can definitely handle the transition as Vardy goes from loving best friend to (possible) Instagram stalker and suspected seller of fake private stories to the tabloid press.
Nicholas Hoult as Jamie Vardy
Nicholas Hoult is one of our most charismatic exports as an actor, and since Jamie Vardy is one the most charismatic footballers of the past decade, we see this as a good fit.
The only question is; how will he play it? Is Jamie oblivious to Rebekah’s alleged schemes?
Of course, a showdown between the two husbands has to happen in the show and who better to play Wayne Rooney than….
Tom Hardy as Wayne Rooney
Emma Watson as Cheryl Cole
A star of British cinema portraying British pop royalty?
Emma Watson is our choice to play Cheryl Cole – a former WAG dragged back into a world she thought she escaped when one of her friends needs help.
Cheryl Cole, love her or hate her, is a truly magnetic presence wherever she goes, and who better to fill in for a national sweetheart than one of the most popular actresses of her generation? We’re already dying to hear her attempt at that Newcastle drawl.
Sarah Paulson as Danielle Lloyd
Yes, this is a Ryan Murphy drama so Sarah Paulson has to turn up somewhere, and where better in such an unexpected place as Coleen’s bestie?
Imagine the chemistry Comer and Paulson could share on the screen as Danielle and Cheryl pop over to the Rooneys for a spot of afternoon prosecco and the creation of some fake Instagram stories.
Jessica Lange as Victoria Beckham
Of course, in her hour of need Coleen is going to have to seek comfort and advice from an old friend – and who better than one of the most iconic and battle-hardened WAGs in the game played by a genuine icon of stage and screen?
You know that Ryan Murphy loves a bit of stunt-casting as well, imagine the episode where Coleen, Cheryl and Danielle take an incognito visit to Victoria’s flagship London store to discuss their next move?
Who better to be stood in the middle of a completely empty white room, black sunglasses covering most of her face and wearing that signature icy expression than Jessica Lange?
And before you ask, it is going to take an actress of monumental talent to accurately portray a being as multifaceted as the VB, so Lange is our one and only choice. She has the range!
Feud: Coleen and Rebekha will (hopefully) come to TV soon.